Margaret Mead Japan China Religie en seks Moral panics Seks en robots Seksuele ontwikkeling Seksualisering Leeftijdverschillen Geweld en misbruik Consent Sexting Prostitutie Pornografie"We wish that we could say that times are changing, that the playing field is leveling out, that women are not being penalized for having too much sex, and men are not ostracized for having too little, but this is just not true." Pepper SCHWARTZ / Martha KEMPNER - 50 Great Myths Of Human Sexuality, p.275
Pepper SCHWARTZ / Martha KEMPNER"Myths have consequences. If we believe that a woman can’t get pregnant the first time or during her period, some of us won’t bother with contraception at those times. Even seemingly innocuous myths can change our behavior. If we believe, say, that red-haired girls are naturally hornier, some shy redhead is going to get come-ons that she doesn’t like, and feel like she has to live up to expectations that she can’t, or doesn’t want to, fulfill. It gets even more difficult because many beliefs about sexuality are based on personal or societal values and not scientific fact. And values change."(x)
"For the most part we focused on research from the United States and the cultural issues that are specific to this country. Attitudes about human sexuality are so different around the world that it would have been impossible to address each myth on a global scale. That said, we do include comparisons with other countries and cultures in some of our myths to help explain how variable beliefs can be and how societies can influence perceptions."(x)
"Interestingly, these studies found no correlation between the flaccid and erect state, so next time you sneak a glance at the guy at the next urinal just remember—you don’t really know much."(2)
"So there may in fact be some physiological continuities that can predict larger penis length. We think the better question, however, is why is everyone so interested? Are there really any differences between big penises and small when it comes to sexual satisfaction?"(2)
"Though the popular media may suggest that women want bigger and wider penises, the research tells a different story and points to men being a lot more worried about penis size than women are."(3)
"It is interesting that in these studies women have strong aesthetic preferences but lesser physiological ones.(...) Most importantly, there is certainly no credible information that penis size determines satisfaction in heterosexual relationships."(4)
"Why Do We Confuse Bigger Penises With Better Penises? We think there are two reasons. First, the whole world seems to think bigger is better in just about everything from a hamburger to a house.(...) The second reason we think bigger has been confused with better is because for the most part only huge penises are used in porno movies." [mijn nadruk] (4)
"The end result of an industry that sells unneeded products and a society that can’t or won’t use proper language is that many women feel ashamed of their genitals, which can negatively impact their sex lives. Women have also begun to alter the appearance of their genitals; some by removing all or some of their pubic hair and others by undergoing painful reconstructive surgery to “normalize” the appearance of their genitals."(6)
"Though the marketing world seems to want women to believe that the vulva requires special lotions, soaps, and salves, and that the vagina must be frequently cleaned out—the truth is that the same soap and water techniques you use for the rest of your body are exactly what you need for your genitals."(7)
"Yep, the vagina has self-cleansing mechanisms and a delicate balance of microorganisms that keep it healthy (Kelly, 2011, p. 35). Though the practice of douching—forcing water or other liquid into the vagina to clean it out—has been around for thousands of years, it has been proven time and time again to be harmful to women, increasing their risk of getting sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and other infections."(7)
"The need for douching is one of the most stubborn myths about the vagina because, despite years of research showing that this is not healthy, many women still believe it is important and good for them."(8)
"The myth that women’s genitals need special attention and products in order not to smell bad is truly problematic. It has allowed industry to prey on women’s insecurities and sell products that are not just unnecessary but potentially dangerous to their health."(8)
"Today, there are a number of elective plastic surgery procedures that women can use to change the look and feel of their genitals. Some, such as “vaginal rejuvenation” and “revirginization” claim to tighten the vagina to make sex more pleasurable. Another procedure, called “G-spot amplification” is supposed to make it easier for women to take advantage of their G-spot, an area in the vagina said to have heightened sensation (see Myth #4 for a discussion of whether the G-spot exists in all or some women). Another procedure, called labiaplasty, changes the appearance of the vulva most often by reducing the size of the labia minora so that they do not extend beyond the edges of the labia majora.(...) The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG), however, says that these procedures are rarely if ever medically necessary."(10)
"Miklos and Moore also argue that most women (93.1%) sought the surgery for purely personal reasons while only a few (6%) were influenced by their male partners (2008, p. 1493). Some feminist theorists, however, would argue that we have to look at the context under which such choices are made to determine if they really are purely personal."(10)
"Tiefer describes two feminist arguments when it comes to the issue of choice particularly around cosmetic surgery. The first, she says, highlights the physical and psychological harms of cosmetic surgery and believes that participation in the beauty culture inevitably adds to the already oppressive environment and makes it that much harder for the next women to resist that intervention. These scholars believe that even if something, such as cosmetic surgery, is a solution for one individual it might still be wrong to allow it on a societal level because it increases gender inequality and limits the options of all women in the future. On the flip side, some feminist theorists suggest that all women have to live in our culture that is saturated with images of perfection and that sufferers deserve relief even if it takes the form of something as extreme as cosmetic surgery (Tiefer, 2008, p. 474)." [mijn nadruk] (10-11)
"She suggests that “the removal of female body hair, particularly in the genital area, can be viewed as a component of the objectification of women and construction of women as objects designed to attract male attention and provide men with sexual pleasure” (p. 124). She, too, blames advertising and other media for perpetuating the idea that women in their natural state are less than ideal: “As a result, body hair, which is both natural and normal, has been constructed as a revolting enemy against which women must continuously wage battle” (p. 124)."(12)
"The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) released a new committee opinion on circumcision in 2012. In order to develop this opinion, AAP created a task force of experts to review the research that had been published between its last review in 1995 and 2011. The task force assigned each article an evidence rating of “excellent,” “good,” “fair,” or “poor” based on the methodology used and how well it was applied. In writing their review of the research—and ultimately developing the committee’s decision—the task force took these ratings into account (AAP, 2012, p. e761). Though we understand that some in the medical world do not agree with the task force’s findings, we believe that the technical report represents a comprehensive and thoughtful look at the research and are relying on it in our summary of what the research says."(15)
Voordelen:
"newborn circumcision reduces the incidence of UTIs in boys under the age of 2 years"(16)
"there is some evidence that circumcision prevents penile cancer and even more evidence that it prevents the most invasive form of penile cancer."(16)
"Researchers also offer an explanation of how circumcision protects men against HIV."(17)
"HPV is one of the most common STIs in the United States. The task force found two studies with good evidence of 30–40% reduction in risk among circumcised men."(17)
"finally, there is evidence that circumcision is protective against syphilis, herpes, chancroid (a rare bacterial infection), and BV (a bacterial infection of the vagina that is not necessarily sexually transmitted). The evidence suggests that circumcision provides no pro- tection against chlamydia or gonorrhea."(17)
Nadelen:
"One of the claims of those who are opposed to male circumcision is that it negatively impacts sexual function and reduces sexual pleasure."(17)
[Wat een onzin. En inderdaad: ]
"Most evidence suggests that there is no difference in sexual sensation and satisfaction for men regardless of whether they are circumcised (AAP, 2012, p. e769)."(18)
"After dismissing the current science, those who oppose circumcision frequently argue that the procedure is unethical because infants cannot give informed consent, infants are not at immediate risk if they do not get circumcised, and as such parents are unfairly imposing their cultural values on children in a way that cannot be revoked. They also suggest that those in the Western world who support circumcision—including the medical community—are blinded by their own cultural values that see female circumcision as an abhorrent, primitive ritual but see no moral parallels when boys are subjected to a similar procedure."(19)
"In truth, even the ethical arguments about circumcision hinge on the science and research. If you believe the science that finds circumcision to be low risk and high benefit, then these arguments about informed consent are not issues—parents have always been allowed to consent to medically necessary procedures for their minor children. If you do not believe the procedure is beneficial, or worse you think it is harmful, then your answers to these ethical questions will likely be different."(20)
"Though disagreements remain, today’s research suggests a certain degree of benefit from male circumcision."(21)
"There are definitely proponents of the G-spot who extol it as a special site for orgasm and pleasure inside the vagina. And there are women who believe they have a G-spot and want to protect their firm sense of the reality of their own body. But there are skeptics with some pretty convincing evidence to the contrary. This topic is hotly debated and if you voice skepticism to the believers, especially the “re-discoverers,” they are likely to bite your head off. But we’re brave."(22)
"An interesting secondary discovery for O’Connell in examining female cadavers was that some women seemed to have more extensive clitoral nerves than others. She felt this may account for ease—or difficulty—of having an orgasm or needing direct versus indirect stimulation of the clitoral area."(24)
"We think skepticism about the G-spot is warranted. The samples of women who have been investigated are small, a small group of investigators are primarily responsible for most of the writing on the topic, and the density of clitoral nerve endings in the area makes the demarcation of a morpho- logically unique area hard to support. Furthermore, like some of the scien- tists who have failed to find the G-spot or define it as a special area of sexual function, we are worried that women who cannot find it (perhaps because it doesn’t exist) will now feel they are sexually deficient in yet another way!"(25)
"It is not true, however, that having high testosterone levels will always correlate with more sexual activity or better erections (Anderson et al., 1992; Bagatell et al., 1994). Erection and arousal issues may have an organic origin but unless lower than normal levels of free testosterone are found, or there is some injury to the genitals, the primary causes of lack of arousal or erection are thought to be mostly due to psychological issues with sex, performance fears, relationship woes, or lack of attraction (Aversa et al., 2000, p. 519; Buvat and Lemaire, 1997)."(26)
"A particularly troubling study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that when 209 men with low testosterone levels were involved in a study that gave some men testosterone and others a placebo, the men who received additional testosterone were five times more likely to have a heart attack or other heart problems. This was so worrisome that the researchers cancelled the research (Nutrition in Action, 2014b). Still, there are clearly clinicians who feel that the chances of these side effects are slight and the benefits may be worth it." [mijn nadruk] (29)
"Perhaps the angriest commentary on testosterone therapies comes from a group of feminist researchers and clinicians who feel that the whole concept of low sexual desire for women has been invented. Chief among these critics is psychologist Lenore Tiefer (2001), who, with a number of other therapists, clinical professionals, and researchers, feels that the definition of “low” desire is highly biased because it is based on male standards and male needs." [mijn nadruk] (29)
"If we don’t have the language to even talk about those born with disorders of sex development, imagine how hard it must be for parents of these infants to figure out what to do. In the United States there has historically been a rush to fix that which is not “normal.” In many cases this has meant that parents are told that their infant needs to have surgery to make their genitals appear more like an average clitoris or penis. In truth though, it has always been much easier to create labia and a vagina than it has been to create a penis (especially one that functions). Most of the time, therefore, doctors would recommend that parents surgically create female genitalia and begin to raise the infant as a girl regardless of the chromosomal sex or what hormones the infant was exposed to in utero."(37)
"These guidelines represent a major step forward in how we think about biologic sex and how we handle differences. Nonetheless, we are still a society that tries to categorize people as male or female and masculine or feminine. While we certainly tolerate more variations in gender roles and expressions than we once did, we still hold onto many stereotypes about how an individual should look and behave. As we see later in the book when we explore gender roles, gender identity, and transgender issues more closely, we still have a lot of work to do in dispelling myths about what makes someone a man or a woman. This much is clear—it is more than just what is between someone’s legs."(40)
"For this entry, we examined the nature of “gaydar signals”—the cues people are seeing as an indication that another person is gay—as well as the accuracy of gaydar and the implications it has for how we relate to others."(41)
"The real problem is that gaydar is merely picking up signals of attributes linked to masculinity and femininity but there’s an “imperfect” linkage of these attributes and sexual orientation (Rieger et al., 2010, p. 136)."(42)
"Despite the numbers of people who say they are bisexual, skepticism that this is a “real” identity and not just indecision, runs rampant."(45)
"One of the issues is that many people don’t come out as bisexual because they fear that neither heterosexuals nor homosexuals will accept them."(47)
"Here we focus on the other element of the answer to the ultimate M/F question—our gender identity, which is a person’s internal sense of being male or female. For most people this internal feeling matches their biological sex but for some it does not. This entry looks at some basic facts and long- held myths about what it means to be transgender."(50)
"As we just mentioned, gender identity is someone’s internal sense of being male, female, or somewhere in between. Gender expression then is how an individual chooses to announce this identity to the world.(...) In fact, gender expression is the one aspect of gender that others can see automatically (biological sex is hidden under clothes and gender identity is a feeling)."(50)
"Transgender is an umbrella term for a person who feels that their gender identity and biological sex do not match. Often when we use this term we are talking about a biological male who has always felt trapped in his body because he feels like a girl or a female who wants to live as a man."(51-52)
"Transitioning refers to the time when a person begins living as the gender with which they identify rather than the gender they were assigned at birth. This often includes changing his/her name; telling family, friends, and cow- orkers; and changing his/her appearance. Though some transmen and trans- women may have always had a gender expression that didn’t match their biological sex, during their transition they often take this expression further so that they are not just presenting to the world as feminine, for example, but as a woman (Teich, 2013)."(52)
"We can’t say for sure what percentage of transpeople have surgery because no statistics exist on how many transpeople there are in the population let alone the choices they make. The truth is that unless you are the loved one, close friend, or partner of a transman or transwoman it shouldn’t really matter what they choose to do. Everyone is entitled to determine their own gender expression and gender identity and, if this does not match their biological sex, they are entitled to make whatever changes they feel necessary to their appearance, behavior, life, and body. Those around them can seek to know what they have gone through (as long as it comes from a place of empathy and understanding and not just curiosity and voyeurism) but the most important thing is that we respect their choice." [mijn nadruk] (54)
[Ik weet niet, hoor. Daar moet ik nog eens over nadenken.]
"In fact, in recent years many of those who started and supported the movement have announced their opposition to it, saying it does more harm than good. Major medical and mental health associations agree and suggest that this approach is potentially dangerous. What we have to remember, however, when reading about reparative therapy and efforts to “cure” same-sex attraction, is that until 1973 even mainstream medical organizations considered homosexuality as a mental disorder."(56)
"Still, the biggest blow to the ex-gay movement may have come in the form of science. In 2009, a special committee of the American Psychological Association released a report finding that there was no evidence that sexual orientation can be changed through therapy."(61)
"Though there will always be those who believe homosexuality is a sin and seek to change it, and there are still organizations like NARTH that take a hard line, for the most part reparative therapy is looked at as a discriminatory practice that lacks any legitimacy."(63)
"Though gay marriage is just beginning to see widespread support among politicians and the public, researchers have known for decades that when we compare heterosexual with same-sex couples, they are much more alike than different. Moreover, those differences that do exist, do not support the notion that “same-sex” couples are “less” anything—in fact, in many areas same-sex couples have relationship advantages."(65)
"There is actually a good deal of research that has looked at the children of gay fathers and/or lesbian mothers and almost all of it comes to the same conclusion: these kids are no different from their peers with heterosexual parents.(...) After all of those caveats, we repeat our summary of many decades of research: there is no discernible difference between kids raised by heterosexual parents and those raised by same-sex parents."(70-71)
"Sweeping generalizations about any group of people are usually wrong and this is no exception."(71)
"One of the scare tactics that has been used to prejudice people against homosexual men is the message that they are dangerous to children. This belief has been so widespread that in many places in the world—and even some institutions in the United States—gay men (and in some cases, lesbians) are barred from working with children in the capacity of nannies, teachers, or scout leaders. Certainly, there have been cases of molestation of children by gay men, but the truth is that by far most molestation of children has been committed by heterosexual men."(77)
"These kind of false statistics have fueled fights in many states over whether gay and lesbian couples can become foster or adoptive parents. (...) This witch hunt that accuses gay men of being likely pedophiles has also played out in schools. "(80)
"It’s debatable which kind of relationship offers the best sex, but there is no indication from the data that single men and women who are racking up the numbers are having the “best” sex."(83)
"While it is truth it may not be as rough and tumble as the first years of over the top infatuation, the deeper truth is that the majority of married men and women have quite a bit of sex and like their sex lives. That said, the frequency of sex does diminish as we get older, not necessarily because we are less attracted to our partners but because of the burdens of age, work, mundane relationship issues, and other life challenges (Northrup et al., 2013). And there is a sizeable minority of people who become disinterested in sex within their marriage."(87)
"There is no doubt that the idea of parents, much less grandparents, having sex has a certain “Ewwwh” factor for most of us—regardless of whether we are children or adults ourselves. Somehow, at least in Western culture, we prefer to think of our parents as asexual, or at least only interested in sex for reproduction. The problem is that this discomfort in thinking of our parents as sexual extends to all older people and leads to a generalized assumption that sex is only for the young. This is simply ridiculous." [mijn nadruk] (92)
"If you love your grandma, you want her to have sex. Research indicates that she will be happier, healthier, and live longer if she has orgasms (Persson, 1980, Davey Smith et al., 1997). This is true for grandpa too. In fact, one longitudinal study of men correlated having at least one orgasm a month with a significantly higher survival. And, men who had two orgasms a week were the big winners in the longevity sweepstakes (Davey Smith et al., 1997). Further, a study of older men found that those who had sex at least twice a week were the least likely to have heart attacks (Hall et al., 2010). Sex brought both physical and psychological benefits—participants said that sex made them feel more wanted, needed and that, like the rest of us, they craved the exchange of affection that occurs during sexual moments."(95)
Over het rapport Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual Identity in the United States: Data from the 2006–2008 National Survey of Family Growth.
"But the media seized on just one thing—a statistic that found that the number of teens who had not engaged in any type of sexual behavior with another person had gone up. Headlines proclaimed “More teens waiting longer to have sex,” “More teens delay,” and, our favorite from a British publication, “No Sex Please, We’re Americans.” The journalists and experts interviewed for these articles seemed to agree that this was good news and that adults, parents in particular, should be pleased. In his New York Times editorial on the importance of monogamy, Ross Douthat (2011) went so far as to say that this statistic was good news for all conservatives."(97)
"When it comes to teen sexual behavior, our society seems to be stuck on the idea that no sex is the only acceptable finding. To support this idea—that sexual behavior among teens is inherently bad—our society has painted a picture of young people as hormone-soaked risk-takers who cannot be trusted to make any good decisions about sex. And while it is true that teens are more likely to take risks in life than fully formed adults, this vision of them as utterly irresponsible when it comes to sex is simply a myth."(98)
"The myth of teens as wild, sex-crazed, and irresponsible is just that—a myth— and a dangerous one as we would never want a teen to sink to society’s negative and ill-informed vision of him/her. To those of you reading this book who are between the ages of 15 and 24, let us take a moment to say congratulations for behaving better than most adults believed or expected you would, and while we’re at it, congratulations for behaving better than many adults." [mijn nadruk]
"Anal sex is common in many countries where it has been seen as a way to have intercourse without risking a pregnancy as well as a way to maintain “technical virginity” in countries and cultures where this is essential for marriageability. It is a common practice throughout Latin America, South America, Southern Europe, the Middle East, and Mexico (Sanders and Reinisch, 1999)."(103)
"As we have mentioned, preservation of virginity is the motivation for large numbers of women who have anal intercourse, especially in places where virginity is highly prized or even required (Sanders and Reinisch, 1999). This question has come up here in the United States many times, especially during the rise of the abstinence-only-until-marriage movement when many students were taught that the ultimate goal was to remain a virgin until your wedding night. Researchers and educators wondered if this emphasis on virginity pushed young people toward alternative behaviors such as oral sex. Sanders and Reinisch found that 19% of their sample of college students did not consider anal intercourse to be “sex.”(...) In general, however, there are few data to support the idea that young people are having anal sex to preserve their virginity as few adolescents have anal sex (or even oral sex for that matter) before they have vaginal sex."(106)
"In this entry we explore our fascination with the first time and try to understand why societies put so much emphasis not just on this one event but on virginity itself. We also examine historical changes to these views about virginity and try to figure out how young people really feel about losing it."(111)
"As these views changed, so did behaviors and women began to lose their virginity with similar frequency and at similar ages to men (Carpenter, 2001)."(111)
"At the same time, however, the Religious Right was arguing that we had strayed too far from modesty and chastity and that it was time to put the sexual revolution behind us and go back to the days when virginity was a virtue. They put a lot of political capital into this and got the federal government to back “chastity” education through the Adolescent Family Life Act (AFLA) and then abstinence-only- until-marriage programs through both Title V and the Community-Based Abstinence Education (CBAE) funding streams. At their height, these programs received a total of $176 million per year (SIECUS, 2010a). Programs funded with this money were required to adhere to a strict definition of abstinence education which, among other things, told young people that sex was only appropriate in a mutually monogamous relationship in the context of marriage and that sex outside of marriage was likely to have harmful physical and psychological effects (SIECUS, 2010b)." [mijn nadruk] (111-112)
[De VS dus. De kritiek van de auteurs volgt. Ik vraag me af hoe het hier tegenwoordig mee staat.]
"Laura Carpenter has done extensive work on individuals’ views of their virginity, publishing a number of articles and a book, Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences (2005)."(113)
"Over the years, many researchers have asked individuals to consider how they felt about their first sexual experience either right away or in hindsight. The results suggest that pretty much no one had the candles and rose petals scene we described at the beginning or, even if they did, they didn’t enjoy it."(114)
[Dat lijkt me logisch als je daar zoveel verwachtingen aan vastkoppelt.]
"Perhaps instead of asking young people how they felt in retrospect, we should work to educate them about sexuality and first sexual experiences before they have them. We can tell them that it probably won’t be rose petals and candles, it’s usually awkward and messy and that’s okay. We can tell them that it should feel good and that it’s okay to stop if it doesn’t and enjoy it if it does. (We can tell young women that while pain at first intercourse is not unusual, a little lubricant can go a long way toward eliminating it.) We can tell them that it carries risks and they should be safe. And, we can tell them that while it is not the most important moment in their lives, it is one that they will undoubtedly remember better than many, if not most, other sexual experiences and as such they should be sure that they are ready, they have the right partner, and are in the right relationship. Because even if it’s not perfect (and trust us, it rarely is), we hope it is an experience that everyone is able to look back on fondly."(116)
[Heel goed en praktisch. ]
"The problem with this view is that it does not reflect the reality for many women and couples. Many women report having better orgasms from clitoral stimulation than vaginal penetration, and most couples admit that perfectly timed orgasms are rare. What’s more, striving for simultaneous orgasms during intercourse may put so much pressure on couples that they don’t enjoy the sexual experience and might not be able to orgasm at all."(118)
"There are a number of other myths that belong in the same basket as the simultaneous orgasm myth. Mostly, they center on the idea that there is a “right” way to have an orgasm."(119)
"Our advice: sex and sexual pleasure are very specific to the individuals involved. Don’t go out of your way to have sex in a way that is based on certain cultural directives—especially one that is mostly mythology."(122)
"It’s not that hard to fake an orgasm, especially if you’ve had real ones. You know how to make them look, sound, and possibly even feel authentic. The question for us is why would anyone want to fake an orgasm? And, much more secondarily, what are the signs of a real orgasm—could you tell if your partner was pretending?"(123)
"Let’s face it. Difficulty having an orgasm is more common than the sex scenes we see on television and in the movies would have us believe. Most women, not just some women, are not orgasmic all the time. In a large random sample study, 71% of women and 25% of men said they did not always have an orgasm when they had sex with their partner (Laumann et al., 1994)." [mijn nadruk] (125)
"Faking it actually makes it less likely that real orgasms will happen in the future, since no technique or revisions of lovemaking style or relationship context will have changed. Pretending might now become a way of life—and big secrets build up, sometimes over many years."(125)
"Where do men get the idea that women like rough sex and where do women get the idea that they ought to like rough sex? Well, one place might be popular culture—although we think it goes much deeper than that."(126)
"This myth stems directly from gender roles that suggest that men should be sexually assertive and a man that isn’t, well, he’s not much of a man after all. Likewise, the companion piece for women is that their natural state is much more passive and they need to be aroused (Kiefer and Sanchez, 2007). The idea is that “consensual rough sex” where the woman is hesitant, then aroused, and then inflamed with passion, is all due to male sexual agency. Her sexual submission is what he is after and so whatever level of intensity he provides (up to and including violence or physical abuse) is okay. Unfortunately, it is not clear what would qualify as “abuse” and what is supposed to be mutual passion. And our culture, through sexual imagery, feeds this blurred line. Consider these common concepts from porn, mainstream movies, and books."(127)
"The real life explanation, however, may be more disturbing—that is not that women are interested in rougher treatment, but they are compliant to it when they are worried about even more aggression from their lover or partner (Katz and Tirone, 2010). Women may also acquiesce because they want to be in the relationship and so they agree to what is asked of them, even though they don’t like it (Katz and Tirone, 2009)."(127)
"Many people would be horrified and hurt if they caught their partner masturbating. We have somehow been taught to believe that masturbation is a lesser sexual activity; one that people only do if and when they don’t have a partner or aren’t satisfied by the partner that they do have. After all, no one brags about the great time they had all alone last night (though maybe they should). The short answer is that masturbation is quite different from partner sex."(129)
"Far from being proof of a damaged partner or a troubled relationship, masturbation is part of healthy sexual development and drive (Bancroft et al., 2002). It’s a way to learn how your body works, what excites you, what your favorite sexual fantasies are, and how you achieve the best (or maybe easiest) orgasm (Atwood and Gagnon, 1987). Research on masturbation indicates it is linked to orgasmic capacity, healthy sexual functioning, and sexual satisfaction in relationships. Research has found that married women who masturbate to orgasm have greater marital and sexual satisfaction than women who do not masturbate (Hurlburt and Whittaker, 1991). In fact, masturbators tend to have more positive attitudes about sexuality in general and are more likely to be orgasmic (Kelly et al., 1990)." [mijn nadruk] (130)
"Or perhaps, as Coleman (2002) argues, the intensity of our discomfort comes from religious and associated cultural beliefs that forbid masturbation, most often because it is only for pleasure and has no procreative value."(130)
"Aphrodisiacs are substances that increase sexual desire, pleasure, or ability (Sandroni, 2001; Shamloul, 2010). But here’s a rule of thumb: most substances labeled as aphrodisiacs are not. The things on your pharmacy shelf or favorite website are not the fabled aphrodisiacs that will make a reluctant partner into a raging stud or nymphomaniac (Krychman et al., 2007). Some have no effect. Some “work” simply because you believe they will (a placebo effect) and some work because you are hallucinating or disoriented (Sandroni, 2001; Melnyk and Marcone, 2011). Some have an effect, but only if you swallow a truck load (in which case the sheer amount would likely have adverse con sequences). Some are dangerous in any amount."(132)
"The truth is that, as much as we would all like to find that magic substance that would put us in the mood and make sex great every time, we haven’t found one yet. There are a limited number of studies (many with methodological issues), the mechanisms by which these substances work is unclear, and we just don’t know what the potential hazardous side effects of these substances may be (Kotta et al., 2013)." [mijn nadruk] (134)
"Plus, we have some other statistics we would like you to consider. First, we think you should know that about half of all pregnancies each year in the United States (adults and adolescents included) are unintended. This means the couples were not trying to get pregnant when they did. Think about that. If half of the couples who get pregnant weren’t trying to, accidental pregnancies clearly happen a lot."(139)
[Dat zegt weer alles over de VS.]
"So let’s stop with the excuses, they’re all pretty silly and they’re just not true. More importantly, right now there are so many methods of contraception on the market that everyone (and every couple) can find at least one that works for them. There is no reason that anyone should get pregnant unless that’s what they’re trying to do. "(140)
"This entry reviews the history of the birth control pill, other hormonal methods, and IUDs in order to explain the origin of the safety concerns and the best science that we have today which, again, suggests these methods are safe for most women. As a caveat, we want to stress that by saying these methods are safe we are not attempting to say that they have no side effects or that they will be appropriate for every woman."(141)
"When looking at the numbers, withdrawal compares favorably to other methods. There is some debate about the exact efficacy rates of withdrawal, but it is generally accepted that it can be 96% effective with perfect use. The 20th edition of Contraceptive Technology cites the typical use rates as 78% but other research says it is closer to 82% (Jones et al., 2009)." [mijn nadruk] (152)
"The researchers concluded that some men leak sperm as part of pre-ejaculate, and some men don’t. However, it is not possible for a man to know which category he falls into and therefore it is not possible for a couple to know their personal risk if they rely on withdrawal."(155)
"We know that some of our colleagues put more faith in withdrawal than we are comfortable with doing. We absolutely believe that couples should have the most recent information about withdrawal. And we agree that in some situations (when no other method is available), withdrawal may be a couple’s best option for preventing pregnancy and there is no denying that it is “better than nothing.” Still, we think that with a little bit of planning and more widespread access, couples can and should turn to the many methods of contraception that provide potentially better efficacy and additional benefits."(155)
"We know that there are forces out there that want to see an end to premarital sex and the use of birth control. We are never surprised, for example, when abstinence-only-until-marriage programs deride condoms and exaggerate their failure rates. (Angry that so many kids across the country get misinformation in school but not surprised.) We get even more upset, however, when those in the public health community get involved by suggesting either that condoms don’t work, or that they are no fun to use." [mijn nadruk] (156)
[Het is pure misleiding van die christenen.]
"Condoms are cheap, reliable, easy to access, and easy to use. But, most importantly, they are the only method of contraception that also protects against STIs. In fact, other than abstinence, they are the best protection that individuals have against STIs. So, we are going to devote this entry to the humble little condom and explain why this method of birth control has such an important role in our sex lives and why we should all stop throwing it under the bus."(156)
"Condoms—if used consistently and correctly—are 98% effective in preventing pregnancy."(157)
"Even if you or your partner has an IUD or is on the pill, unless you are positive that there are no other risk factors for STIs (which in our minds means that you have both been tested and are both remaining 100% faithful), you should be using condoms as they significantly reduce the risk of contracting an STI."(159)
"Specifically, there are some opponents of abortion rights who, in their attempts to limit access to this procedure, argue that there are physical and psychological risks involved. Over the years, the ideas that have gained the most traction are that abortion causes infertility, that women who have abortions are more likely to get breast cancer, and that women who have abortions are likely to experience mental health issues or post-abortion stress syndrome. Despite the overwhelming amount of evidence available that refutes these ideas, the arguments are still used in efforts to limit abortion access on a broad scale or to dissuade individual women from terminating a pregnancy." [mijn nadruk] (162)
[Leugens vanuit de Amerikaanse christelijke achtergrond. Opnieuw pure misleiding tegen alle feiten in.]
"Induced abortion is a very safe procedure. In fact, it is far safer than carrying a pregnancy to term and delivering a baby."(162)
"There is a great deal of scientific evidence that abortion does not increase a woman’s risk of breast cancer."(163)
"In fact, a number of studies have found that the predominant feeling after an abortion is one of relief. Follow-up studies also show that women remain happy with their decision to terminate a pregnancy years after it happened (Paul and Stein, 2011, p. 726). The task force also noted that abortions do not occur in a vacuum but within a complicated social context in which some woman are stigmatized for getting pregnant (such as teenagers) and women who seek abortions are also stigmatized."(165)
[Dat laatste is echt een open deur. Maar dat snappen die christenen niet.]
"The truth is that every woman who seeks an abortion does so under her own unique set of life circumstances and her feelings about the procedure will be similarly unique. It is not appropriate to tell women how they should feel and it is not accurate to tell them how they will feel. Most importantly, however, it is never appropriate to mislead women about the risk of abortion (or any other medical procedure) in the hopes of persuading them to make one choice over another. There are now many rigorous scientific studies that show that abortion does not cause future infertility, breast cancer, or inevitable mental health issues. Abortion opponents need to stop perpetuating these myths for political gain.
We believe that CPCs are particularly insidious because they prey on women in a vulnerable position (those facing an unintended pregnancy) by advertising services they do not provide. There are an estimated 2500–4000 CPCs in the United States and many are affiliated with national anti-abortion organizations and evangelical Christian networks and have as their mission preventing abortion (Rosen, 2012). Yet they often advertise as if they were any other nonpartial medical clinic offering free services." [mijn nadruk] (165)
[En ik wed dat ze nog gesubsidieerd worden door de staat ook. ]
"However, like all public health experts, we fear that the inaccurate perception of a cure is dangerous because it may stop individuals from taking the steps they need to prevent HIV transmission and, as of right now, prevention is the best defense we have for this disease which has caused a global pandemic and killed millions of people around the globe."(167)
"Modern medicine does mean that some of today’s diseases are curable and others can be kept in check, but it would be a mistake to think that STIs are just no big deal. On an individual level they can cause a great deal of pain and lead to long-term health issues such as infertility and cancer, and on a societal level they represent a huge public health and economic burden."(175)
"So, when a new vaccine came out that could prevent infection with these strains—a vaccine that could essentially prevent cancer—everyone was clearly thrilled, right? Well, not so fast. Some people argued that giving girls a vaccine was like giving them a license to have sex and could, in fact, be dangerous. That’s right, some people suggested not vaccinating young women against cancer because they might become sluts. We’ve heard similar logic to this many times before and we can assure you that it is a myth (and an offensive one at that)."(184)
[Een keer raden van welke kant dat soort geklets komt:]
"Not everyone liked this idea. Some social conservatives and proponents of abstinence-only-until-marriage programs argued that vaccinating young girls against a sexually transmitted disease was morally questionable and dangerous."(184)
"The truth is that we’ve seen this argument made repeatedly—whether it’s about giving young people access to contraception, making condoms available in schools, providing sex education, or letting emergency contraception (EC) be sold over the counter. The idea that access to protection will cause young women to run wild is deeply ingrained in our culture. "(185)
[De VS, wat een rotland.]
"For every argument that says a new advance—be it EC or comprehensive sexuality education—is going to turn young women into whores, there is a stack of peer-reviewed research that proves otherwise."(186)
"Though hooking up seems like a new phenomenon and many people are worried about what it means for our definitions of love and relationships, a new study suggested that the hook up culture represents a smaller cultural shift than has been suggested."(191)
[Reacties eromheen hebben het karakter van een morele paniek.]
"Women, unfortunately, often do experience psychological distress after hook ups. That same study found that having had penetrative sex outside of a relationship led to increased psychological distress in women 2.5 months after the incident (Fielder and Carey, 2010). This worries us and we believe it has to do with the fact that women get judged more harshly than men in these hook ups. While no specific number of hook ups labels a man as a “slut,” there seems to be some unwritten number of hook ups that stigmatizes women. Men, for example, do not seem to be judged for having intercourse on a first hook up, but women generally do get a “reputation” (Hamilton and Armstrong, 2009). Hamilton and Armstrong’s study found that, like men, many women students wanted to “party” and have casual sex but that a prevailing double standard punished these women way more than the men who were doing the same thing." [mijn nadruk] (192)
[Voorspelbaar. ]
"Is it possible that casual sex will eventually lead to relationship? Research suggests it is."(193)
"We think the important thing here, though, is that both men and women seem to want romantic relationships at some point. The image of today’s young adults as after only casual sex or having replaced the idea of a romantic relationship with one person with a slew of random hook ups is just inaccurate."(193)
"Acting on them is certainly another thing entirely (see Myth # 36 for more about cheating), but as for fantasies the truth is they are pretty private. If you think your fantasies about other people would hurt your partner’s feelings, keep them to yourself. If your partner starts to tell you about someone he/she is fantasizing about and that upsets you, speak up and ask that in the future this kind of information not be shared. In the meantime know that fantasies are common even among the happiest of couples and try not to read too much into them."(196)
"If the categories of “new sex partner” and “extramarital affair” were combined, sex with someone other than one’s partner would have been the most common of all the fantasies. So much for all female fantasies being about love."(199)
"Then of course there is the mythology that went along with terrorizing women into monogamy. Some religions have pathologized female sexual interest as abnormal. "(203)
"Theology has changed some over the centuries but the image of women as modest and sexually pure, having sex not because of lust but because of a desire to have children, seems to have remained, at least to some degree. Men have always been seen as much less sexually and emotionally dependable. But the historical record as well as contemporary studies show us a different picture. While it is true that men quite commonly stray from the vows of monogamy (an almost universal part of the marriage ceremony, at least in the West), women are not always the aggrieved spouse. More often than we realize, they are the sexual adventurer." [mijn nadruk] (203)
"We don’t tell you all this as a prelude to saying “So don’t cheat on your spouse.” Every individual and every couple has their own set of values around infidelity and how harmful it may be to a relationship. We think it is one of the many things that couples need to talk about as they are deciding to make a long-term commitment to each other whether in marriage or another partnership. Just know that violating whatever rules and guidelines you come up with within your own relationship can cause pain and even bring about the end of the relationship itself."(208)
"The attenuation of desire for sex as a relationship moves on is attributed to a wide variety of issues including habituation, fatigue, depression, work, children, personal health, weight gain, and relationship issues. It may also be a slide toward each person’s more natural desire level once the relationship is no longer novel (Call et al., 1995)."(211)
"Sex can, however, be seen as a barometer of how the relationship is going. Many partners lose interest in sex because they are disappointed in the relationship. A boring, conflict ridden, or distant relationship is rarely a turn on for either partner, but women’s sexual interest seems to be even more affected by their feelings about the relationship than their male partner’s might be (Hyde and Delamater, 2011)."(212)
"Dwindling desire for sex is not a problem in and of itself. Some couples settle into a rhythm where sex is less frequent but both members are satisfied with its quality and quantity. Problems start when one partner becomes less interested in sex than the other."(213)
"That said, not all researchers believe that the roots of jealousy are evolutionary or biological. Some believe it’s about the culture in which we are raised and what we have come to expect in relationships. Though the researchers in the above study were trying to prove a biological root of this reaction, it could well be the case that women have been taught to treasure emotional intimacy."(217)
[Uiteraard is er niets biologisch aan dat soort zaken.]
"This entry looks at some of the science on how alcohol affects sexual response and behavior from both a pharmacological and a psychological perspective and then explores the very real problem of alcohol and sexual assault."(220)
"We understand that victim-blaming has been going on for years in this country and we do not want to do anything to perpetuate that, but we do believe that there needs to be a balanced approach to preventing sexual assault and that warning young women about the potential dangers of overconsumption of alcohol has a role. Most men are not rapists, even when drunk they will not assault a woman. Unfortunately, statistics prove that we can’t say that about all men. Moreover, many young men are never taught how to recognize when a woman wants him to stop. Our society is replete with images of women saying no at first and then caving because of his steely blue eyes or passionate kiss. Not to mention the warped view we give young men when towns like Steubenville and Maryville rally around rapists and shun victims. Helping young men recognize consent and helping young women learn how to protect themselves can and should go hand-in-hand. And, like it or not, one of the ways that women can protect themselves is to stay somewhat sober."(228)
"For many of these women it happens sporadically or just once, but for some it becomes a regular part of sex and even a part of their daily lives (ACOG, 2011). Pain during sex can be both physically and psychologically disturbing, affecting a woman’s relationships and self-esteem. Yet many women think it’s just a normal part of doing it. We want our readers to understand that this just isn’t so. Sex should not hurt. If it does there is something wrong (we’re not talking about a character flaw or a moral failing, but something physically or, more rarely, psychologically wrong), and you should seek help." [mijn nadruk] (229)
"Another big problem for women with vulvodynia is finding a physician who knows enough about these issues to be able to help. Most women with these conditions are misdiagnosed at least at first and many find themselves shunted back and forth between unhelpful specialists. Part of the problem is that though the woman feels symptoms, there is no visible problem that can be seen by a health care provider. "(233)
"There are treatments for vulvodynia and vestibulodynia. Some women find relief with certain kinds of antidepressants—not because the symptoms are all in their heads but because these drugs can interrupt the pain loop that their bodies have gotten into. Antiseizure medications can also break the pain loop. Interestingly, one of the treatments for vulvodynia is physical therapy and biofeedback. The theory here is that the constant pain can cause the pelvic floor muscles to tense up and hold on to the pain. Physical therapy helps women release this tension so the muscles can go back to normal."(233)
"But it’s true, there was a time when men couldn’t get it up but nobody talked about it. The introduction of Viagra in 1998 changed all of that. There is an ongoing debate as to whether Viagra and other widely publicized ED drugs have been good for our understanding of men’s sexual health or have led to a model of sexuality that relies too much on the biological and the medical without taking into account the psychological, relational, societal, and behavioral factors that all have a role in sexual functioning (Tiefer, 2006). Regardless of which side one comes down on, it is hard to deny that the introduction of these drugs and, possibly more importantly, the advertising campaigns around them have started innumerable conversations about sexual dysfunction that we would not have otherwise had."(235)
"Though the prevalence is higher as men age, the problem is not limited to older men."(235)
"While some men may discover that one or more of these physical ailments is the cause of their ED and that treating the underlying issue “cures” their ED, many will not. For some men the roots of the problem are psychological while for others it is reflective of a larger problem in their relationship. Depression, stress, and anxiety can get in the way of sexual functioning as can any number of issues within a relationship."(236)
"The starting point may be the chemicals—whether prescription drugs, other drugs, or too much alcohol—that you are putting in your body."(236)
"Though it may seem easier to pop a pill, we think it is important to consider these treatment possibilities because pills have side effects but also because therapy can help people become more sexually healthy in ways that medication cannot."(237)
"But is there such a thing as a clear case of sex addiction? Is sex like alcohol, cocaine, or heroin? Does it affect the brain in such a way that addicts need more and more to achieve the same high? Are individuals who are acting out sexually truly unable to control their behavior? Will they suffer withdrawal if they do stop? We are not convinced. While there is plenty of science to show us, without a doubt, what alcohol and drugs do to the body and brain, similar studies do not exist for sex. Moreover, many of the definitions of sex addiction rely on relatively arbitrary assessments of how much sex is too much sex and treat- ment asks people to significantly limit, if not completely abstain, from sexual activity. As sexual health experts, who believe that sex is natural, healthy, and life affirming, we worry about the messages this sends to self-described addicts, their partners, and everyone else." [mijn nadruk] (241)
"The first problem that many experts have with using a substance abuse model to define sexual addiction is that it is far too subjective and open to far too many judgment calls. Sexologist Marty Klein, author of America’s War on Sex: The Continuing Attack on Law, Lust, and Liberty, argues that the model is based on a number of troubling assumptions including that there is one best way to express sexuality, that sex that enhances intimacy is the best sex, that people need to be told what kinds of sex are wrong and bad, and that if you feel out of control you are (Klein, 2003)."(243)
"Qualifying sexual behaviors as either within or outside “normal” boundaries fails to recognize how different we all are in terms of our likes and dislikes. Putting labels on the frequency or type of sexual behavior people choose is inherently judgmental and can be used for discriminatory purposes (remember it wasn’t so long ago that homosexuality was considered a mental illness)." [mijn nadruk] (247)
"Many people in our society continue to believe that rape victims (who are most often, though by no means always, women) are complicit in the crime based on the clothes they were wearing, the area they were in, or the sexual messages they were sending. Others feel that rape can’t occur in a couple that has already had consensual sex, especially one that is married.
These views are deeply ingrained in our society and stem from beliefs about sex, gender roles, and marriage that stretch back many hundreds of years (some would even say back to Biblical times). They are also the reason that so many rapes go unreported and so many perpetrators unpunished."(248)
"This entry explores some of the myths around rape in an attempt to underscore the basic premise that circumstances do not matter—sex without consent is never morally acceptable."(249)
"We mention the background of these speakers because we think it’s important to recognize that the antiporn movement is part of a much larger conservative social agenda that would also like to do away with abortion, birth control, and, in many cases, gay rights. Further, we think understanding this agenda is particularly essential because most of the claims as to why pornography is dangerous have never been proven scientifically. Without unbiased research to back up what they say, the inherent biases of the people saying it become crucial." [mijn nadruk] (255)
"Here’s something else that we find pretty interesting, although the internet has made accessing porn easier, the rates of porn usages haven’t really changed in the last four decades."(256)
"Some who argue against the idea that porn causes rape have noted that in the years since the internet has made porn far more accessible, rates of rape have gone down."(257)
[De Amerikaanse situatie is wel heel specifiek.] ]
"Sex education class may be the least titillating thing they do all day but it is the only one of these things that can help them think critically about what they are inevitably seeing, reading, and feeling. And the research shows that giving them honest information about both abstinence and contraception does not make them have sex sooner, does not make them have sex more often, and does not make them have sex with more partners. In fact, just the opposite is true—young people who go through this kind of sexuality education are more likely to delay sex, have fewer partners, and use condoms and other contraceptive methods when they become sexually active (Kirby, 1997, 2001)." [mijn nadruk] (263)
[Niet dat al die christenen zich ook maar iets van de feiten aantrekken... ]
"Many of the abstinence-only-until-marriage programs that received federal funding were based on fear. They presented sex, or more accurately sex outside of marriage, as inevitably harmful and dangerous and frequently exaggerated the risk of STIs and pregnancy."(266)
"Any good sexuality educator—ourselves included—will tell you that they want teens to have a healthy understanding about the real risks involved with sexual behavior including the possibility of pregnancy or STIs. Presenting these risks as inevitable outside of marriage (and on the flip side, impossible inside of it)—is simply inaccurate, and thinking this will somehow prevent teens from having sex is foolish. Remember, teens tend to think they are invincible." [mijn nadruk] (266)
"Virginity pledges remained popular even after research found that they were ineffective."(267)
"There is a double standard in our society when it comes to sex that few people even try to deny. It is “understood” at some subconscious societal level that men want more sex and have more sex than women and they are applauded for it. Women, on the other hand, are forced to walk a fine line between being a prude and being a slut. There are rules imposed on female sexuality—often unwritten or at least not expressed until after the fact—that say how much is too much and punish women for crossing that line. On the flip side there are expectations that men want sex at all moments from all (or almost all) women they see and if they don’t there must be something wrong with them."(270)
"We wish that we could say that times are changing, that the playing field is leveling out, that women are not being penalized for having too much sex, and men are not ostracized for having too little, but this is just not true."(275)
"Every few months the headlines scream about how teens who sext are more likely to have sex. The take away message seems to be that sexting causes teens to have sex—perhaps by leading them down a path of ever-increasing debauchery—but the research actually tells a different story. The fact that young people sext may be a sign that they are otherwise sexually active but it is not the reason."(278)
"The Michigan study suggests that there is no difference between those who sexted and those who did not on measures of psychological well-being. Specifically, sexters did not report increased anxiety, depression, or low self- esteem as has been suggested in media stories."(280)
"Though it should go without saying, coercing a partner to send a naked picture of him/herself is just as wrong as coercing them into engaging in any other sexual behavior. And as difficult as it can be to do, we urge young people to stand up to coercion of any kind. If your gut tells you not to hit send, but your girlfriend is saying please, or your friends are goading you (Englander found some of the pressure was from friends), let us be the voice telling you to trust your gut."(280)
"The most basic rule here is that once a picture leaves your phone for cyber- space, you are no longer in control of it. Current statistics suggest that it is unlikely to wind up anywhere other than on your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s phone but you can’t be sure that someday down the line you (or your future spouse, or the guy who just interviewed you for the job you really want, or even your kid) won’t stumble across that very same picture online through one series of events or another. That is simply the risk you take every time you hit send."(281)
"Most often when statutory rape cases between teens are prosecuted it is at the behest not of either of the young people involved but of their parents or law enforcement officials who have gotten involved in the young person’s life for some reason. This means that the laws are most often used on young people who are already troubled in some way."(287)
"We wholeheartedly agree that young people need protection from exploitation by adults. We also agree they need protection from relationships where there are natural power imbalances (such as any relationship between a teacher and a student, regardless of age). Still, we think the laws in their current state do not provide this protection and have the potential to be harmful, especially if they continue to be discriminatory in their enforcement."(291)
"With the seemingly rapid success in the fight for same-sex marriage, it would be easy to fall into a false sense that the battle has been won and the struggle for gay right is over. Unfortunately, that is just not the case. While there has been enormous progress, a look at recent attempts by lawmakers around the country (and around the world) shows that there is still a long way to go."(294)
"The conclusion here is pretty obvious, like all civil rights and human rights struggles that have come before it and all that will come after, the battle for gay rights both in the United States and around the world has been long, slow, and intense and though much progress has been made (obviously more in some places than others), now is not the time to declare victory or let our guard down. The fight will go on, the pendulum will most likely swing back and forth, and hopefully in the end everyone will have the right to choose— free of discrimination and bias—who they want to love, have sex with, and marry, regardless of biological sex."(299)